The Wave

I am writing tonight about drivers that purport to be courteous, but are really not.

You know the ones.  The Sunday drivers on a Monday afternoon, after 3 back to back meetings at 5:30 in the afternoon. 

They are the ones that, when their lane merges with yours, are too stubborn to let you in.  They are also the ones that see you coming as the turn right into your lane.  Without coming to a complete stop and waiting till it’s clear to proceed.  They don’t care if they cut you off.  You can slow down, sucker!

Tonight on my way home the latter happened, where the guy turned into my my lane and then as almost run into the guy’s bumper, as he cut me off, he gives me the wave.  This was as if to say Thanks!  Usually thats you do when someone does something nice for you on the road, you wave.  Well this time the wave, was more of a “yeah I cut you off sucker!  Now back off!  To that guy I have the following:

My point is this, be sincere with the wave.  Don’t abuse it or you may just get the bird!

Have a nice night!

Dawg

Double Trouble

So I was at a function for my daughter tonight.  It was for a YMCA group called adventure guides.  The host house was amazing. 

It had a wine cellar, game room, movie room and a bathroom off of the lower part of the house, near the movie room.  I mean probably a 3 million dollar house at the end of the day.  You get it.

Trouble #1

I got it; the urge that I had to take a leak; pee, urinate.  I know I know.   So I see the bathroom door open, which by the way is as big as the front door in my house.  I make a move for it.  As I enter the bathroom, I realize it has the hard to activate lights; the ones that you press twice to turn all the way on…….but they did not come on.  I was thinking, “are you fucking kidding me?!”  I had to pee!  I tried some more, managed to turn on the fan, thank you very little.  By now I was thinking, man I hope I don’t pee on the floor or miss or something.  Then I found this little button and wallah!  The clouds parted and there was light!

Trouble #2

As I strolled over to the crapper, after closing the door and locking it, I noticed that someone had already been there before me.  Yep you guessed it.  There are 7 other dads 5 feet from the bathroom and at least two saw me go in.  I peed.  Of course!! ahhhh better now.  I flush, like a true gentleman. 

So now the ruse:  That damned early 90’s low flow toilet was stopped up!  The turd that someone else left is still in there!  Oh My Gawd!!  Oh Oh OH!  (read Sam Kinison) So now I am really screwed.  No one wants to be the person that asks for the “plunger”.  Or says uh ….I stopped it up.  Or “Hey the toilet’s clogged again!”  Damn it.  So I had a decision.

The decision:

I could have been the guy to help out the host and take one for the phantom turd layer, or say nothing and leave it.  I left it.  No one saw me do it.  I didn’t do it.

What would you have done if you were in this quandry?

 peace,

Dawg

Multi Lingual Etiquette

Hey all.  I was in a grocery store today to get a quick bite to eat for lunch and sat down to eat my sandwich next to 3 guys that were speaking a language other than English.  I am fluent in their langauage as well, but they didn’t know that and I didn’t tell them.  I just sat and listened. 

I was apalled at what I had heard them talking about….sex, drugs and girls, not to mention one of their mother’s was in jail for DUI.  They were swearing and carrying on about all that is negative in there lives and than as they finally left, they made a comment about my shoes….it was positive….but come on man.  It is encounters like this that really form pre-conceptions about certain people and leads to racial profiling.

My point is this:  If you speak a language other than English in America, you better be damned sure that the people around you won’t be offended by what is being said and that they don’t get offended or feel ostracized by listening to a non-English speaking conversation.

And avoid making any comments about people around you that you don’t think understand your language. 

Because they just might.

Happy Friday.

Pedestrian Etiquette

I gotta say, pedestrians really are getting bolder as time marches forward.

January must be “Pedestrian walk like an ass-clown month.”  Every Friday I pick up a few bags of bagels for my team.  I think they appreciate that so alas, I continue. 

It always seems as if every time I back up my car in the bagel store’s parking lot, that there is some idiot thats sees me backing me up (and I see them too) but they keep walking behind my car, ensuring that I stop for them. 

Are these people idiots?  Don’t they realize that it’s a bad thing to walk behind a car that is in reverse backing up??  I don’t care if they haven’t had breakfast or their morning latte’ from Starbucks or Peet’s.  The bottom line is:

Don’t walk behind a car that is backing up. 

You put yourself and my car’s bumper at risk when you do this.  Not to mention the time synch it could be.  The last thing I want to do is back over you and have to get out to pull your bloody ass from underneath my car just because your are an ass-clown pedestrian!

As support for my thoughts I found this (here’s the complete link to the list):

“#11, Always look for signs that a car is about to move (rear lights, exhaust smoke, sound of motor, wheels turning), and never walk behind a vehicle that is backing up.”

Dolts!

over and out.

Shopping in the Grocery Store

I was in the grocery store today to get a few things on the way home and had a few random thoughts.

Why in the hell do grocery stores have sooo much candy left over after every holiday?  I mean the candy sales guy had better be driving a luxury car for all the excess I have to navigate around immediately after I enter the store.  There were 6 carts lined up with nothing but sweets with the ‘ol 50% off sign taped to the front.  No wonder so many people in America have a problem losing weight.  WTF?

Second thing was as I found the aisle where the salad dressing was (yes it was fat free) This lady had her cart on one side of the aisle and was standing in the other side of the aisle pondering her navel what she was going to buy.  I as the gentlemen that I am, said nothing and smiled when she realized she was indeed blocking the entire fucking aisle and moved while saying oh sorry…….   Come on lady, be more alert on your surroundings for crying out loud will ya?!@  Note to self, don’t block aisles in grocery store.

The Third and last thing I will rant about is the half cans of Diet 7UP I saw at my friend’s house the other night while we were over for dinner.  

These are *ahem* half cans of Diet 7Up.  How non=committal.  Diet drink in a 6oz can?? May as well have water!

From the Cadbury Scweppes website:

Did you know?

• When mixed with half a cup of water, half a can of 7 Up keeps Roses blooming for 7 to 10 days.  YUCK what does that mean it does do your intestines then??
   
• 7 Up originally contained small amounts of lithium – used for its medicinal qualities in the early part of the 20th century to make people feel good – an appropriate additive for a drink in the US Great Depression.   Yuck again.

Cheerio!

Christmas Card Etiquette

OK people, ’tis the season…….the grinch stole Christmas…..I got a brick….whatever.

Can someone please tell me why 90% of the cards I am receiving from both friends and family are completely preprinted.  I am talking about the entire damned thing!

Let’s start with the envelope shall we??  I mean I can understand that most folks these days have return address labels, for heavens sake the Salvation Army send me 50 with a flag every year I give a donation. 

I digress.  Why can’t people hand write the address anymore?  I do.  I hand write the addresses because I think it adds a little bit of humanity and thought to the whole process.  I would really appreciate it if folks would hand write their addresses.  At the very craziest minimum, I would like my complete name spelled correctly.  For example if it were Smith, I am talking S-M-I-T-H.  NOT smythe, smithe, smyth or smit.  Come on put some time into proof reading and verifying the last names are at least correct.

Let’s move inside the envelope.   Please don’t buy those really expensive, foil lined and double packed envelopes.  They are hard as hell to open and after all, why spend extra on something goes into the trash anyway?  I don’t care about the envelope.  A carrier pigeon could drop the card on me and that would be just fine. 

On to the card.  If you send a card….any card, please make sure you at least sign your name to it.  Sign something to it….hell at least get a pen and write on it somewhere.  This year I am receiving an inordantly high amount of the costco picture cards with the very generic “Merry Christmas!  Love Becky, Paul, Olivia and John Smith”  What the hell is that?  Come on people, I haven’t heard from you in 6 months and would like to get caught up on what is going on. 

Let’s move on to the final piece of this rant.  The stamp.  It is now $0.39 to mail a letter/card.  Don’t send me a card with a $0.33 cent stamp and the rest in 1 or 3 cent stamps.  It is time to bite the bullet sammy and realize that if it has been that long since you sent a letter, you might as well just pack it in.

 Oh, and no joking around….if I don’t receive a card from you this year, you won’t get one from me next year.  I am tired of you lazy sons-of-bitches that can’t send a Merry Christmas  card with a love, so and so on it.

Every year I send out at least 30 cards.  I handwrite all of them with the exception of the return address. 

Yes they have correct postage as well.

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!

Fresh Choice

This is a manners rant.

I took the family out to the neighborhood Fresh Choice tonight and damned if I wasn’t pissed off at the guy behind me by the time I reached the registers.  You know; you walk in to the joint and they hit you over the head with the cafeteria trays.  They even have the mini red cafeteria trays for the kids.

After you get your tray, plates and utencils, it’s off to the Kings Table Smorgasboard!  Well, they guy behind me was really irritating at best.  EVERY time he chose something to put on his plate, I heard him say, ” Oh I just love jicama” or, “I just love pasta”.  Give me a break Mr lovey dovey. 

So, when I finally got to the end of the food line, where you pay at the register, this ass-clown holds his tray 2 inches above half of my food!

What an idiot!!  I asked him to please move his tray, that it was common courtesy to not reach across and hold his tray over my food.  He just huffed and puffed.  This guy was around…..oh I dunno…….. maybe 55 or 60 years of age.  I just could not believe he did that.

Okay I am done.  Thanks for listening!

Dogs at The Mall

I have been sick the past few days and havn’t had the chance to post much so get ready for a flurry of posts for your reading digestion and enjoyment.

 I was at the Valley Fair Mall on Thursday night.  (I know I know, I hate malls too)  I am like a green beret when it comes to mall shopping; I know where I need to go, exactly what I need to buy and where it is located. 

I get in and get out.  Quickly.  So in the spirit of Christmas, here goes:

 So I am hustling along to Macy’s and Restoration Hardware for gifts to purchase and what to my wondering eyes to see? But a medium sized Collie sitting next to the tree.  (INSIDE THE MALL!!) Yes it was on a leash, but also on a bench with it’s 55+ year old owner eating a Mrs. Field’s Cookie.  I could not believe it.  I mean, what in the hell is a dog bigger than my kids (Weight: Dogs 60-75 pounds) doing inside the fucking mall?  Now I see why Santana Row was built.  I mean the high rollers  must have gotten tired of crap like this.  I asked a mall security guy if dogs were allowed in the mall and he replied, “No did you see one?”  I said yes and pointed the culprits out to him.  He was on it.

 I want you to know I am a dog person, born in the year of the dog.  I love dogs.  I have raised two beautiful dogs at separate times, both male Golden Retrievers that lived to be 11 and 14 respectively.  I would have even been fine if it was a seeing eye dog. 

But is wasn’t. 

What are people thinking these days?  I am sorry if I alienate any readers out there, but come on people.  These damned Baby Boomers that are now old, think that the world revolves around them to the point of bringing their mutt into the mall?  To eat a cookie with their mutt?

Hey rover, next time you want to take the missus on a walk, go to the dog park with your frisbies, pooper scoopers and fleas.  Not at the mall for my shopping dis-pleasure.

Thanks.

Office Etiquette Fridge

I just want to sound off about the appropriate etiquette  for the office fridge:

1)     To the person who continuously leaves the half full, unopened can of diet 7-Up in the door of the fridge – Get with the program Spanky!  I hope you don’t pull this stunt at home, do you??  Maybe you do, but let’s consider the health risk of this……Your saliva and skin cells from your lips are in the can and on the outside of the can where you sipped from.  Not to mention where your hands held the can while sipping.  I take issue with a few things here:

          a)     Your hands are probably not clean, therefore the germs are invading the fridge from your can.

          b)     Your germs are in the can, also invading the fridge.

          c)     Your germs are multiplying like crazy in the can (now a petri dish) which will also invade the things next to your can.

If you are looking for your can from yesterday or last week or from the at least 30 times you have done this so far over the course of the last 2 years, they are in the garbage.

Same goes for those left-overs you stacked on top of the cans of soda without a cover, stinkin up the place.  (see previous post on stinky food in the office.)

The Reach

This is a post about manners and the lack thereof.  If that bores you, move on.  If not, stay with me on this. 

Last night I took the family out to dinner at the local Frankie, Johnny and Luigi’s for a nice Italian dinner.  The food was great as usual, the service was somewhat slow and the price was right. 

While waiting for our food and in between fending off crayon attacks from my son, I noticed a group of 4 people sit down at the table across from ours.  They were obviously there for business, probably a work function.  In eavesdropping (I know I know) I realized that it was a training dinner.  The infamous training dinner!  Many memories I have around these but what I observed last night was the best display of poor manners I have seen by a “leader” of the training dinner in some time. The leader was in her late 20’s to early 30’s.  I will guess 31. 

I listened to her cut off conversations, interrupt the new trainees, and when two that were running late sat down, she reached across the one in the middle to get to the new arrival and shake her hand.  This to me was very rude to the lady in the middle.  I mean she was sitting there talking with the person across from her and all of a sudden the “leader” sticks her hand across the table in front of the lady next to her to shake hands!  I thought, wow! What an Idiot!  I could tell the lady in the middle was thinking same thing too, judging by her body language.  She also kept incessantly clearing her throat and talking in a tone above everyone else at their table. 

I felt sorry for those folks to have such an unaware person as what is probably their trainer for the next week or so.

Trainers:  Please mind your manners!